08 May 2013, Nouvelle Caledonie
Capt Tueur

Ou est les Guru? Paradis, d’accor! Le Band du Guru is preparing for le grande finale!! Se Soir. Animaux is chef de mission – relentlessly researching bars de nuit. HarSol is le interprete – fracturing frenetic french with savoir faire. Star du Porn searching low and lower for talent de jour for his new movie. Capt. Tueur is just trying to keep the boys out of le clinque and lusting after french peasant beauties (cars, that is).

Fourth day in paradis now, after a fast and safe trip – 950 nautical miles in almost exactly 5 days. As it turns out, Star de Porn’s midnight OP rum manoeuvres dimmed us somewhat: the carafe remained stowed till day 3!! Andrew – we DID catch a fish (a beautiful mahi mahi) but Star de Porn suggested we throw it back so you could catch it on the way home….. Photographic evidence available. The arrival was sensational – sailing at speed through a gap in the coral reef on a stormy and gloomy day with crashing waves either side. Noumea is FRENCH. Patisseries, brilliant local markets, occasional odour de sewer wafting gently.

Yesterday, Animaux, always the dramatist, suggested a re-enactment of Capt. James Cook’s careening thingy (he’s reading a Cook biography, see). Other gurus rolled their eyes, but once Animaux has a plan, well, it’s a plan. So we sailed Resolute straight up the beach. We looked at Animaux. Ok, what now? BBQ prawns for lunch, of course. Nothing like a beached prawn, we’ve discovered. We also discovered that the propellers (an issue) do turn, and do have issues. A new prop is on its way to Noumea….. Problem sorted, hopefully.

Can’t believe it’s all over, but then again, tonight is the night……. Animaux has a NEW BIG IDEA after googling ‘surfing Noumea by boat’. It involves a 14.8 m cat called Resolute, another week, a few old boards and cuisine francais. Oh, and another bottle of OP rum…

Au revoir!

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